WRITTEN BY: ANDREL
One of the things I've learned over time is that Kryzia and I are very different. Big discovery. We're different not only in the way that we process information, but in the goals and aspirations we have for our lives. In the process of creating a shared vision, one of the most important things I've learned is how to make space for someone else. What that means is, I've had to learn how to become less self-centered and allow someone else's life objectives to become part of mine.
In the initial stages of our relationship, this was a huge struggle for me for a number of reasons. Firstly, I grew up in a male dominated household where my brothers, Dad, and I outnumbered by mother by 5:1. As the oldest child of four, I learned "survival" meant steamrolling everyone in my path and ensuring everyone yielded to my perspective. Steamrolling my girlfriend didn't necessarily go over well when my girlfriend refused to be steamrolled. Secondly, I had only had mostly guy friends, which meant a lot of roasting sessions that we could laugh off. Those same roasting sessions would end quite different with a girlfriend in a relationship. Kryzia could join me in a roasting session or two, but she didn't find it very funny when I tried to roast her in the middle of a serious conversation. I learned very quickly that steamrolling and roasting were ineffective tools in a legitimate romantic relationship. I needed to shift a few things in order to have any kind of meaningful relationship at all.
Just as we found a way to deal with the differences in interactions, I realized we had to find a way to deal with the differences in vision. Sometimes she would share things and I would immediately write it off because I personally didn't see value in it right away. For example, Kryzia pitched the idea of us working together on a blog a few months ago. All I heard was the fact we would be putting a part of our lives on display, even though it's a small part, and I completely shut it down. I'm not the type of person who likes to openly talk about different aspects of my life. I'm a very private person. It was out of my comfort zone. However, I eventually realized that I wanted her to be supportive of my ideas and to build things with me, so I should be able to do the same for her. So...I'm blogging.
Whenever we sit down at the beginning of the year to go over our objectives, there are joint projects she comes up with that she'd like me to engage with that is outside of my comfort zone. I've learned to take the stance of, "I don't get it completely, but I gotchu." In other words, I may feeling uncomfortable stepping out of what's familiar to me, but I trust that she knows what she's doing and it will ultimately serve to benefit us.
The new thing she has me doing is vlogging. I just got used to blogging and now I'm vlogging. However, two great things have come out of it: She's experienced a feeling of fulfillment because writing and sharing has always been her schtick and we've both gotten to meet people we otherwise never would have thought to connect with. We're grateful for everyone who has been supportive of this part of our journey. We don't know all of the answers and we don't claim to know everything, but we also know nothing is new under the sun. What we're experiencing and going through, someone else can identify. Opening up to the idea of sharing myself and my goals with my significant other has not been the easiest thing, but it has so far enriched my perspective more than I could've imagined.